Constant

No matter what is going on in my life, there has always been one thing constant; and that is God.  When I say I’m fine, sometimes that is a statement of faith because I’m trusting God that I’ll be fine.

I am a fixer by nature.  So my first reaction to almost any problem is, what can I do?  If there doesn’t appear to be anything, then I start brainstorming be a use surely there must be something I can do!  After I’ve accepted that I can’t immediately fix the problem or make a plan to fix the problem, then I give it to God.

There are issues with that sequence.  1) I need to turn to God first!  Sometimes I do.  More often than not, my mind starts running and I pray later.  I’m a work in progress, what can I say?  2) Sometimes I’ve already built up frustration and feelings of responsibility, guilt, and failure because I couldn’t solve it myself.  I know fully well that I am not meant to solve everything myself, yet the feelings come.  And then it is more of a back and forth to get my faith in the right place and to keep from taking back, that which I already gave to God.

Tonight I am thankful that God is always constant.  No matter which direction my mind squirrels off to, or what emotions I struggle against, God is always there, waiting.  Waiting for me to come to him fully; because he’s been waiting to be able to help me, but I held him back.  But he’s never left and he’s never gotten so fed up with my antics that he turns his back.  And that is love! ❤