Tomorrow Sucks

Please give me a minute . .

Tomorrow is going to suck. I don’t want to do it. I don’t feel like doing it. I am tired of crying. I am tired of the sads. This sucks. It sucks. It sucks. SUCKS!!!

Thank you, now I’ve got that out of my system a little . . . not all the way.

When my Marky passed in December, he had made it clear that he didn’t want a funeral. And he didn’t want a memorial. And truly, I was ok with that. I don’t like those things. I am not the person that needs those for closure or for a final good bye. Nope, I’m good. I go to be polite and respectful and that is all.

What was important to my Marky was being in a National Cemetery. And yes, we could have done that months ago. But, why do that in the freezing winter if we didn’t have to. Then, during 1st spring, 2nd spring, etc. there were important dates that we kind of didn’t want tied to a cemetery day. Mark’s birthday – March. My parent’s anniversary – April. We took a month off in May. And here we are in June. When my Mom talked to the cemetery for a date; she saw what they had available. Her and I talked and found a random date, during the week, that had could just be the random date for his internment.

So here we are. June 4th. Tomorrow. Overall, it isn’t a huge time investment. Besides getting there and getting to our specific spot; it will be 15 minutes. That is our allotted time. It is very military. Very structured. And it will be very hard. I don’t want to do it. But, this was the thing that was important to him. So I will do it. I will crack a joke though. Because in serious situations, I make jokes. And he knows this. I’m sure he expected me to do it; regardless of the military setting or not.

Tonight I am choosing to be thankful that tomorrow, by noon, it will be done. We will have left, or have been on our way out. And that will be that. It will be what he wanted. We can do that for him.