Preparation

A few nights ago I had some feelings that I haven’t had in awhile. The big anxiety that hits you in your gut. Yeah, could have lived without that.

I’ve spent a fair amount of my adult life being strong. I’ve got good moves for a fight, should I ever need to defend myself. And I have a good assortment of weapons.

But, sadly, in the past decade or so, after an injury, I did let myself decline in this area. There were several 75% attempts at going back. They were more than 1/2 a%# attempts. So I give myself 75%.

The truth is that a woman needs to be able to defend herself. Well, anyone should know how to actually. But, in my case, a woman who refuses to wait for people or be limited in her destination, needs to be able to defend herself.

My biggest recent motivation was when someone put their hands on one of my kiddos. And crap, my kiddos and the people they know are all adult sized now. What was I prepared to do if my kiddo needed me? Get really mad and become a speed bump, that was all I was prepared for. I went out that next day and bought new chains and gloves for my punching bag; hung it up and got to work.

Last night at crossfit I was pushing myself to keep up with a person that clearly had been doing this way longer than I had. But, I kept up the whole time. I’ve been pretty sore today. I’m getting stronger, but not strong enough yet.

In the next week, maybe even tomorrow (I haven’t decided yet) I will go in to an area where I will not feel safe. I don’t like that. When I’m going to a foreclosure in a questionable area, I go during certain times that would have the least amount of people around. My task this week requires people.

Tonight I thankful that at least I started 8/9 months ago with really working more on me. I am thankful for prayer and some insight from a friend on the best way to go about this. And I am thankful that if this gets down to the moment and all my senses are telling me not to continue(not just fear, I won’t decide on fear), I will turn back. I do try to watch that line between brave and stupid.