bugsbrightside

This thing has been going around Facebook where people write “Me Too” on their page if they’ve been a victim of a sexual assault. I have mixed feelings about this. And I’ll tell you why.

The post states that the purpose of this is to show how many have been sexually assaulted. My perspective is that you’d have to have your head in the sand to not know that this was an issue. And the ones that have their heads in the sand probably aren’t going to pay attention to this. So, although I understand the intent; I don’t think this is the way to most effectively reach the proposed purpose.

Second, I am seeing a lot of the sad, crying emojis on these posts. I see the circumstance to work thru these situations and empathy certainly helps. But then what? I will not post “Me too” as my status because I really don’t want the tears. You know what I would like; if I got to choose a reaction? I would like people to take this personally as knowing there is an issue and working to solve it.

The truth of the matter is that you cannot legislate this away. The answer to this problem will not be found in a law-book or a Facebook status. The answer is to change people themselves. Because when I was forced in to a closet, or found myself in a car with someone I thought I knew, or on a dance floor, or any other place – there was nothing in that moment that could have saved me. No law. No big brother. No bouncer. I got mad. Do you know how many people don’t get mad about this? I would guess a vast majority.

One of the times when I didn’t get mad in the moment. I got mad later, like hours later. Let’s teach our children that no one is allowed to do this to them. And that if someone tries, get MAD! Fight back! I would love to give my children a perfect world, where we would never have to discuss the what-ifs. But we don’t live in a perfect world. And I can’t make this world perfect for them. So we talk. We talk about fighting back. We talk about things that can make situations safer when they start getting out of control. But most of all I stress to them to get mad.

A victim doesn’t have to stay a victim. Yes, me too, I’ve had things happen to me. But they will never, ever, ever define me. Those people who thought they could do those things will never have that much power over me. There was a time in life when it wasn’t that way. There was a time when it haunted me. Not now. Now I know better. I forgive them for being so foolish. And I get mad at their actions. It isn’t a burning rage. I walk thru days in peace because I learned to forgive. But when those situations arise again, I get mad. Instantly.

And I talk. Now a little older and maybe wiser, I talk about those things that people find uncomfortable. Some people think it’s ok to touch other people. It’s not. Let’s talk about it. Because when you turn the tables, the people don’t seem to think that it’s quite as ok. So if it’s ok to touch her because you “couldn’t resist”; let me punch you because I “can’t resist”. What? That’s not ok? Because you didn’t hurt her? Oh you did buddy. You just didn’t leave any bruises. Why didn’t she say anything? Because she’s not as loud as me. But I’ve found my voice, so let me tell you that you hurt her and if you don’t want to be punched without consent, you should be able to understand this.

I actually did that once. I was 22ish and a manager. I had a 16 year old working for me. He grabbed me when I walked by and I punched him. He got upset. HE GOT UPSET for me punching him. He said, “I’m going to tell my mom!” I said back something like, “Yes, and I’ll tell her what a pervert her son is!”. Now why did he think it was ok to grab me; but I couldn’t touch him? Then we talked about the situation and why what he did was not ok. And frankly how stupid he was for thinking it was ok; or even thinking he could get away with it. No. No, it is never ok.

Tonight I am thankful (in pieces) for this Me Too movement. Let’s not let it end with a facebook status. Let’s keep the discussion going. We know there’s a problem. Now let’s work on fixing it. We start here, in our own circles, in our world, and in the people we can reach.