Have you ever had someone tell you how you should feel? I think we all have at some point. And at some point in everyone’s lives, hopefully there is a moment of understanding that these well-meaning people can’t decide that for you.
According to studies and people with mouths who speak; I don’t spend enough time relaxing . . or “me” time. I have kids and work and I should be going crazy without regular social nights out with the girls or a weekend get-away of pampering, right? Wrong. Here’s the thing. There was a time where I thought maybe I was doing things wrong. So I tried what people said to do. And do you know what I felt? Guilt.
Studies and people with mouths assure me not to feel guilty for spending time on myself. But, these people don’t know me. If I feel guilty, I am not going to enjoy this time. And do you know why that is? There is somewhere else that I need to be. And somewhere else that I want to be. Maybe sometime in life I could enjoy a weekend at a spa. But not now. Right now in life there are four growing people who live in this house that need my attention and love. And that is more important to me.
At some point in life I have thought about doing a great many things for myself. BUT, not right now. Because the only time that I could possibly fit that in would be taking away time with these growing people who need me. I don’t think in terms of “I” when scheduling my calendar. And I won’t for several years to come. That time that is scheduled for my loves; that is where I find my me-time. Like this morning, my heart was full and my soul refreshed when I watched my son run the ball and look over to see if I was watching him. I gave him a smile and a thumbs-up. He waved with a smile and ran back to the game. I can’t have this moment back if I used it somewhere else – that is a fact that I know. And THAT is why I would feel guilty scheduling my calendar around me. There will be plenty of time for spa’s, or classes, or nights out with people.
Don’t get me wrong. I know that there are times that myself and every other human needs a break. And for those times when mental health seems teetering on a horizon; at those moments I take a break and I have some solo time. But I don’t schedule regular “self” time like the world would tell me to do. I don’t want it right now. Right now, my “self” time is best used as a gift to those who need to know that I love them more than anything; and that I am always here for them.
It’s a delicate balance to learn where you end and where your children begin. And again, I’m not talking about the times of tears, when you feel your sanity is leaving you. I’m talking about the day-to-day. And in the day to day, listen to your heart to know where you should spend your time; not a magazine, not a book, not your coworkers, not a psychology genius, or anyone. The answer to the feelings of “losing yourself” as a parent is most likely not to leave the ones you love more often. In my case it was to make that mental decision to give my time as a gift to the ones that I love. No one is chained to their families; and if it feels that way . . . it’s time to re-evaluate why you are making the choices with your time. Make it intentional. Make it a gift of your time and your attention. Chances are that you will find much more fulfillment and feeling of self than you ever would from running away.
Tonight I am thankful for silencing the voices that think they know me better. People ignore these voices more when it comes to food choices or tv programs. When the voices seem like they are in your best interest, it’s harder to dis-credit. But your heart knows better than any outside source. Listen to it.
Bug's Bright Side 