There are things you have to learn about yourself. I decided decades ago that I would never do anything with alcohol that I wouldn’t do without it. A life standard, if you will. It will never be a crutch. And it will never control or define me. My self-worth, to me, hinged on being in control in this area.
I’ve done good with that. I am proud of that. I drink on occasion when the mood hits, to be quite frankly, when my uterus needs to freaking relax, and when my mind (which runs 180 mph) needs to slow down for my own sanity. I usually thrive with my fast tracked brain. But, sometimes, it needs to slow.
Tonight is the latter. I have built a business for twenty years that I was vaguely planning on closing “sometime”. And now, with the help of Fannie Mae; I have a date. Unless any changes are made, November 2, 2026 will be the majority end of my appraisal business. There is a mandate that I do not, and cannot agree with, to be implemented at that time. I have no desire to build a business on private work. I would still do foreclosure work. Unless this new rule applies there too.
I don’t even want to feel or think anything about this. The decree has been issued. And I don’t care enough to fight for a change. As I said, I was going to end this sometime in the next 5 to 10 years anyway. But, I don’t like the decision being made for me. I kind of want to fight, just to fight. But, that is silly. This is not my future.
Tonight I am thankful that God gave me plans for a different future about two years ago. I am thankful that I still have time to keep building towards that plan. I am thankful for the time as an appraiser, it was an integral part to being able to be home for my babies. And tonight I am thankful to slow my brain down while I busy myself going thru my clothes. Two bags of clothes to go to Goodwill. Yay! And an evening turning a blind eye to feelings and too many thoughts. Honestly, this all sucks, but it is good too. And I’ve had a little too much of that type of situation in my life lately. So, tonight I take a moment to disengage. I am so thankful that God saw this coming and gave me glimpses of plans for a change starting two years ago. It will be good. I know it. ❤
Momma's Silver Lining 