I hadn’t been to church in several weeks. I was out of the state one week. I spent huge one on one time praying one Sunday. And two Sundays I was working on this huge project with an important deadline that God has given me. Yes, it was God given. I, myself, would have picked something else entirely to spend time on. But, this will bless so many lives. More lives than I could originally see, actually.
Anyway, there were some greetings from the lovely people there. Then is when it got tricky.
Having people look at me during the alter call, like I should go. Having eye contact when the warning was made not to go it alone. And I wanted to scream, I have not left God!! I’ve actually been doing what he told me to do!!
I left and I felt a disconcertedness inside. And I thought, well, I’ll have to pray on this. I don’t like leaving church and feeling like this.
But, here is the truth. Emotions are unstable and easily manipulatable. I prayed about this church quite a bit when we first started there years ago because there were things that I don’t agree with. The answer in my prayer time then was very clear, listen to their hearts. And when my family would all come, those were some of the discussions in the van on the way to lunch afterwards.
Because the truth is that we are all human. If they thought I was struggling, they were trying to care. I also have assumed without knowing. So even the looks that I felt were real; which really, who knows – or if it is one of those things like when you leave a store without buying anything and you think everyone is staring – even if it were real, who cares? Their hearts would have been in a caring place.
I do not go there to justify myself to others. Nor will I ever walk in to any building with the sole purpose of defending to another’s opinions or thoughts. I walk in there to worship God. I walk in there to learn. And sometimes the lesson isn’t even in what is said. Sometimes the lesson is to walk like Jesus. He did not let others opinions bitter him; even when they were ill intentioned at the synagogue. I am thankful he is only asking me to recognize the good hearts there with the well intentions.
Tonight I am thankful for the reminder today that no matter what building or what people or what day; my job, my goal, my privilege, my honor, and my blessing is to let go of the emotions that divide because God has spoken an unwavering truth, while my emotions change faster than the weather.
Momma's Silver Lining 