Twenty years ago, sometime in February, I went to my first class to learn to become a real estate appraiser. (Yes, the picture below is from April. We didn’t have a digital camera back then and this one was scanned in already; so I’m using it! Close enough!)
I hadn’t been driving a lot at that point in life. I’ve always enjoyed driving very much. When I was sixteen I drove myself around for hours, just enjoying. But, with a one year old, and having a newborn; I just hadn’t been out on the road. And my newborn had his days and nights mixed up; so I was up with him at night, with my daughter during the day; and I was pretty tired and not in the mood to be driving around!
So picture this, a woman completely exhausted, leaving her babies, still technically recovering from giving birth, driving over an hour away, in a snowstorm, feeling guilty because people had to take vacation time to stay home with the babies so I could go get this training. (Gotta love the internet classes now adays!) And honestly, a little freaked out about using a breast pump somewhere a little public in a big city. Ok, so there I am. Driving away. Nervous, very nervous. But determined, I had to make something work if I wanted to be home for my babies! And I was investing a lot in to this plan.
So I’m wrestling with the thoughts, the emotions, everything, while I drive. I look over at the highway going the other way to see a truck slip on the ice and BOOM in to the guard rail, spinning as he went. I couldn’t breathe right. I pulled off at the next exit. And I called my mom crying. I told her that I couldn’t do it. It was all too much. I couldn’t even get myself there. How could I do this? I would have to find something else; although I was running out of ideas. And her, being the wonderful mom that she is, gave me a pep talk, reminded me of why I was doing this; but then said the choice was mine. Because she’s always known that empowering me to make my decisions is important. Then she had to get off the phone because she was watching my babies.
I don’t know how long I sat there. I said some big prayers. I took some big breaths. And when I pulled back to the highway; I chose to go east and go to my class. Because on the other side of the paralyzing fear was a chance to change our lives. I don’t think I breathed regularly until I was in the parking lot of the class. Then I went inside and started not breathing right again for another hour or so . . but that time I was back to just nervous; not scared.
Tonight I am thankful for God’s faithfulness to step out beyond the fear. I hate fear. Absolutely hate it. It usually makes me mad. Back then I didn’t have it in me to get mad. But that one small decision, to get back on the highway and go east; that was all I had to decide in that moment; to go after what was on the other side of the fear.
I guess I’m getting a little nostalgic as I am planning on the end of this business in the next year and half. The industry is taking a turn that I just can’t take. I don’t agree with it, so I won’t do it. I had a five year plan to end it anyway with the growth of Time 414. Now that timeline is forcibly moved up; and that’s ok. My real estate appraisal business has been wonderful to work, support our family, and be here for the kiddos. God answered my prayers back then and he’s answering them now. And I will always be thankful. ❤️
Momma's Silver Lining 