Panic

Emotions change. That is one truth of life that is sometimes hard to believe, even when you know it to be true. Especially when emotions can be so big and overwhelming.

Sometimes, when it is your first time feeling an emotion, it feels insurmountable. And that makes sense, because you just don’t know yet. You don’t know yet that things will get better. And you don’t know yet, that you aren’t crazy for feeling like you do.

And this is why kids have parents. This is why teenagers need parents to NOT leave them alone when they feel like being left alone some times.

There was a time when I was a kid that I could not handle the thought of spending the night away from home. Now a days they would call what I went thru a panic attack. Back then, I was just having a rough time. As an adult looking back, I know when and why it started; although I didn’t know then. But from around age 9 to around age 13/14, I would break down with the thought of leaving home for the night.

I can also tell you when and how that changed. It was my aunt. I was going to babysit for her while her daycare was closed for a week in the summer. And I embarrassedly told her that I wanted to help, but I could not spend the night. That sweet woman told me that she understood. When she was a kid, she had felt the same way. And my wonderful aunt and my wonderful uncle drove me. They picked me up in the morning, driving 20-30 minutes one way to get me, mind you. And they drove me back home at the end of the day.

After that, I was “cured” for lack of a better term. I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I didn’t know I felt like I did. I just knew that my emotions went haywire, I couldn’t breathe, and I felt like I swallowed a bomb in the pit of my stomach when the notion had came up about me spending the night away from home. Having someone understand, and having someone be there for me, AND seeing that someone else had been there and gotten over it, delivered such a healing to me; that I don’t know if I tell her how much that meant to me . . although I think maybe deep down, she understand completely ❤

Tonight I am thankful for understanding for patience, and for family. I am thankful for being able to talk to my kids and hopefully help them thru their rough patches. I am thankful for family who truly loves my kiddos and is there for them. And I am thankful for my family who loves me and was there for me ❤

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