Keeping It Real

I missed my annual remembrance on the start of this blog.  I don’t need to celebrate a blog’s anniversary . . but, I don’t know . . I guess I want people to understand that this blog changed me.  And the practices of this can change you too (if you need changing, like I did).

Excuse me for a moment, I’ve been watching The Golden Girls.  So I’m going to channel my inner Sophia here 😉

Picture it, my old living room, January 10th, 2011.

There I sat.  I had already passed my January 1st plan to start a blog.  I knew something needed to change.  I needed to change.  Me.

We had just been thru a lot.  I say “we”, because it was the hubster and I.  But really I had been thru more than he.  People do that sometimes ya know?  They don’t want to diminish what their spouse had been thru, so they throw around “we” like it was even.  But it wasn’t.  I had been thru such an emotional, physical, financial, marital, and mental Hell that I hadn’t been myself for some time.  I was cranky.  I was complaining all the time.  I wasn’t happy.  The thing that bothered me was that I should have been happy . . or at least it seemed that way.  And the hubster was there waiting, probably praying that my old self would surface again soon.

I should have been happy.  The worst of everything was over.  We were over the mountain and started down the other side.  But that is where I personally always stumble.  I can stay strong up a mountain.  I can dig myself in and fight and claw and persevere and make my way to the top.  And I never truly see what I’ve been thru until the fight is over.  That’s when it hits me.  That’s when I stumble.

I could see the reasons I should be happy.  But I didn’t feel them.  They were removed from my soul.  I’m a writer by nature.  Somewhere in my attic are notebooks filled with my teenage emotions from years ago and the start of probably 50 different books.  So I turned to writing.

I thought if I could commit to one year, only 365 days, of sitting down every single day and finding something to be thankful for.  More than finding the something, I wanted to feel it.  I wanted it to become a part of my soul again.  I could have easily handed over a list of things to be thankful for.  I could always see them.  That wasn’t the problem.  I wanted to devote my attention, thoughts, and words to spend time in the thankfulness.  I wanted the thankfulness to become a part of me.  Thankfulness is a gateway practice.  It lends itself to all sorts of wonderful things!  I wanted those wonderful things in my life again.  I missed happiness.  I missed joy.  I missed contentment.  I needed to find them again.

Over the years, some of my blogs have been short; some have been long; some I have written passionately; some I have written half-asleep.  All of them have been the truest, most honest and open parts of myself.  And you all, my readers have been wonderful!  I’ve lost some people.  There are people who won’t talk to me anymore.  But, I consider that to be a blessing also.  I am who I am.  So, if I offend someone reading my blogs; our differences of opinions can be handled well by distance I suppose.

Tonight I am thankful that what started as a 365 day experiment has done what it was intended to do and much more.  I did change.  My thankfulness became and still is, a part of my soul.  And I have no plans to end this blog anytime soon!

Here is the original blog from January 10, 2011:

9 days in to the New Year I am starting what was my goal for the 1st. Better late than never! My purpose for this blog is to post for 365 days something in life that I am thankful for. I have a strong belief that people, including myself, forget all too often about all the little blessings in life, especially when life gets hard. It is the little blessings that get a person thru the hard times in a lot better state than muddling thru uninspired. Get ready to hear about my 4 little angels, as they are my daily inspiration and the things in life that I am most thankful for. But to start this thing off, on this Sunday morning I am thankful for the bright sunshine coming thru my window and the chance on this new day to start this journal of thanksgiving.

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