Not Ok

Alright, alright, I’ll publicly admit that although I wrote about planning on going to Urgent Care on Monday before the hubster’s surgery; I did not.

I was sooo tired.  It was all I could do to get myself ready to be there for the hubster that day.  Yesterday, I was sooo tired.  It was all I could do to get myself ready to be there for the kiddos and their appointments.  Overall I did think I was feeling a little better last night.  But I have been so exhausted, it’s been ridiculous.

So today, with the hubster’s encouragement, I did go in to Urgent Care.  Five prescriptions later, they have a plan for me.  Seriously it’s a thing in my medical history for multiple things to happen at once that all conspire to kick my butt.

I used to think it was just a thing that happened.  But I think it is more my seeming inability to know when my body needs rest.  Ironically I was questioning this rest issue quite a bit last week.  I am so out of touch with my body and it’s resting needs.  I’ve pushed it so hard for so long, that I just don’t know.  Last week I thought I was getting enough sleep, but then I still felt tired.  I wondered, was I really still tired?  Or was it the removal of pop from my diet?  I had no idea.

Hindsight is 20/20, I was tired.  My body needed rest.  It was probably trying to fight off one or multiple things going on.  I thought my body was being whiny about the lack of caffeine and sugar, so I pushed on.  This is a cycle that I will breaking.

Tonight I am thankful for going to see a doctor today.  Walking pneumonia can easily become hospital pneumonia for stubborn people like me who don’t know they have it and don’t take care of themselves.  So I’m taking care of myself now.  And I’m working on a change for this year.  Usually at this point in a new year, I’ve got a good plan on a major thing I want to focus on for the year.  I’ve been hemming and hawing because nothing seemed right.  But I’ve got it now.  It’s me.  All of me.  Parent-Me is pretty good, could always improve.  Business-Me is needing better boundaries and time blocking.  Wife-Me is sometimes on auto-pilot with parent-me and business-me; she needs to shine a little more.  But Personal-Me, well she sucks lately.  She doesn’t even know what she’s doing half the time.  And that’s not ok.

I wanted to set goals.  But sometimes you can’t set a goal if you don’t even know where you are standing.  If I don’t even know if I’m tired or not, I’m out of touch too far.  So first I’ll start walking in the direction of a goal while I really get to  know where I’m at; then I’ll polish up those goals.  But first, first I need to sleep some more.  Good Night!