Guilty

I told my kiddo something on our way back home from our gypsy adventure trip. I have done a poor job at taking care of myself lately. I admitted it.

I won’t always admit that, honestly. My mind has been seasoned to work for long hours and on multiple things at a time. My emotions can handle a lot of stress – like chew stress up in to itty bitty pieces and then pretend it was never there (although it was). My body was built to survive on much less than it deserves. I can distract myself with work and things that need to be done so that I don’t feel guilty about my selfcare. Yep, that’s me.

These facts about me have come in handy with several things in life. And I have been able to do a lot . . . at my own expense.

It’s funny isn’t it? God gives us these gifts in life; and then expects us to be responsible with them! Ok, maybe that isn’t so funny. And ok, so maybe I already knew that I should be responsible and not let me push myself so far. I’ve gotten really good at getting right up to that line before shutting things down. I bend, I don’t break. And I’ve liked that saying. But, I shouldn’t be bending so far. I shouldn’t be teetering on breaking before I do something.

So . . this will be a process. I will feel a little selfish along the way. Or maybe not. God’s been working with me for well over a year on improving systems in my life so things can roll a little better. And when I use these systems, life does roll a little better.

This will still be a process though. I’m going to mess up. And this will take a while to deprogram myself; while reprogramming myself to do better.

But, this will be worth it! I had such a great time with my kiddo on our trip! I took a little work with me. But I left a lot of work on my desk. I helped take care of a little bit of home from the road. But I let the people at home take care of things too. I slept without alarms! I still woke up early, but no with an alarm. I enjoyed myself and had a wonderful time with my kiddo!

Tonight I am thankful for the wonderful trip! And I am thankful for yet another chance to start again, working on setting boundaries for myself to keep myself up better, and working on peace ❤

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