There are several times when I repeat to myself, “Bend, but don’t break. Bend, but don’t break”. It’s important to remember when things get stressful that it’s ok to have moments where you just can’t be strong anymore. I had a few of these at the beginning of this week.
Today was another long day. As I was out running from store to store for certain needed items (7 stores in 4 different cities/towns to be exact) I was looking for the good of it all. I did have some house assignments in two of those cities, so it was convenient to get my work done and check stores. But, man . . . when I was walking out of the last store before they closed at 10 tonight, I just wanted to be home.
I thought of years ago when I first started working too much. I was crabby. I was not happy with how I spent my days at all! I had lots of other things I wanted to do! I remember complaining to someone who listened to me, like really listened. They listened with a straight, but caring face. And just the look on their face made me stop and think. Because the person I was complaining to had also worked that hard before. And they had less to show for it (just life circumstance stuff). My perceived self-importance left a bitter taste in my mouth.
We set such standards today for ourselves. There is so much research for how a person should divide their time in a day between work, family, and self. We hear all the time how we “deserve” the relaxing and fun moments. But the truth is that no one can tell us what we need or what we deserve. And no one can set the standard for how we spend our time.
I work so much because I have big goals – for my family and myself. Yes, I would love to take a couple of weeks off and run away with my family. But it just isn’t our time for that in life. I know this without a doubt and without bitterness or jealousy for those who get to do that.
Believe me, I am still working hard to work less than I have been! And I will get there! In the meantime, I have spent a bit of time this week reminding myself that this effort is not in vain. Yes, I have a lot of work to do to get myself to a place where I can relax a bit. And I’m working on it. I will be there soon. I actually made some *hopefully* good strides towards newer/better processes today to give me more time.
Tonight I’m thankful that on a day like today when my alarm went off at 4:30 and I didn’t end up home until after 10; on a day like today I have so much to be thankful for. I took a few hours out today and took the kids berry picking. We had a good time! On my drive home tonight there was a beautiful lightning storm. And I had the opportunity to look out over a dark field and see fireflies lighting up so beautifully, it looked like God tipped over a container of sparkles on the Earth. I would have missed all that if I hadn’t been driving home!
P.S. I know this picture doesn’t come close to capturing the beauty that I saw tonight, but I tried 😉