I have a habit of speaking unclearly. Not mumbling; but speaking too passively. I say “maybe” when I mean “no”. I say “possibly” when I mean something more definite.
This is not a defining personality trait of mine. When I am challenged, cranky, or have the perception of anything less than a normal conversation; I do quite well with my words.
But when a conversation is non-threatening, my words turn to mush. I fall back in to the habit of not wanting to offend. I don’t want to accidentally rub someone the wrong way and my words bend so freely that my meanings turn to mush.
This is a work in progress for me. A big help is the saying “to be unclear is to be unkind”. I have a history of trying to be too kind with words, thinking that this lack of an offensive stance is being kind. But it isn’t. It breeds a lack of clarity and confusion by not just saying what I mean. In trying to be overly kind, I actually am being unkind to whomever I am speaking because I am not being 100% honest in what I want and in what I am thinking.
Docile-Jessie just wants to avoid friction. Docile-Jessie forgets to have a backbone. Docile-Jessie creates more problems in an effort to avoid problems.
Today alone there were at least 3 separate times when I caught myself using passive words when my thoughts and intentions were certainly not passive. I knew what I wanted. I simply wasn’t saying it that way. I was very fortunate today that these incidents were via text and I deleted and re-wrote before hitting “send”.
Tonight I am thankful for the chance to make things clear that I originally leave unclear. I am a work in progress. I always will be. And I’m ok with that. I didn’t beat myself up today for these errors. But I certainly was thankful that I had the chance to fix them before the words were sent out in to the world!