One week ago today I put a post on my personal facebook page about my child being bullied at school. I had a specific reason for that post. Although I tend to be pretty direct, the post was specifically a passive aggressive post that I was hoping another parent or two would see.
See I’m facebook friends with parents of children who were leading the teasing against my child. And I didn’t want them dismissing this situation. Albeit I haven’t talked to them personally, I do believe they are somewhat aware. Would the “adult” thing have been to reach out the parents? Perhaps. But, part of being an adult is realizing what would improve a situation, and what would make it worse.
I do want to note that the bullying going on was not physical. If it were, I would have handled things differently.
Anyway, I had enough reason to think that talking to the parents directly would make things worse all the way around. So I got creative. No, I got desperate. Not creative, desperate. I was tired and worn down from all this. And I posted in an impulsive moment, wishing that the magic of social media might work towards a good end. It was not a well thought out moment. Eh, we all have our moments, right?
What I received was an outpouring of caring and thoughtful people. People have been praying for my child ❤ I received private messages from people sharing their stories and offering help. I truly am touched!
I did take the post down. I really wasn’t prepared for all the supportive people! And, well now at this point I feel like I should wrap up things about that post. So here’s “the rest of the story”:
It all started with my child saying something stupid. He didn’t think before he spoke. And he instantly regretted it. But the words were out there. And his classmates held on to those words to tease him every day. I talked to my son every day and we waited a little over a week to see if it would just taper off. It didn’t. So I reached out to the school.
The school has been tremendous help! We have been talking regularly, working on plans, and measuring progress. And things have been improving. I believe some factors for this success is that the school and I are being honest. I honestly don’t expect the school to be able to make every single child behave instantly. I do honestly know that this was inadvertently started by my child. No, he does not deserve to be teased and tormented because he said something dumb; everyone says something dumb at some point. But I know what we are up against. And the school honestly is trying their very best to do make things better.
My son and I have been talking a lot. We’ve been talking about how he feels about what is happening and what is actually happening – many times these are two different things. We’ve talked about the times that he joins in on teasing other classmates because “everyone is doing it”; and this is a good reminder to him that just because everyone is teasing in “fun”; it does not mean that the people being teased feel or recognize that it is just teasing. My child has done it too. And he was wrong. It isn’t fun. It doesn’t feel fun. It feels like harassment. It feels like torture. It feels bad enough that my child was calling home sick every day for over two weeks. It was physically making him ill. I understand. I remember. I’ve been there. BUT, we don’t stay there.
I’ve assured him that this situation will not stay this bad. We’ve talked about a lot of different possibilities of things we could do. And I’ve promised him that we will keep trying together until we find what works best here. Last Friday was the first time in three weeks that my child did not try to call or text home that he felt sick (the feeling sick from nerves). It was better. I know that we’ll have some setbacks. But I’m feeling much more positive than I was a week ago.
Tonight I am thankful for all the love and support that we received from everyone that saw my post. I am thankful for the school in trying to help make this better. I am thankful for the parents that talked to their kids about how this made my child feel. I am thankful that when I cannot be with my children, God is with them. It’s hard to learn to pray and have faith for peace and patience. It can be hard for me and it can be hard for my kiddos. But prayer works and peace comes. ❤